How I know I'm not Chinese (nationality-wise, I mean...I know I'm ethnically Chinese! Yeesh, the terms are so technical!)

How I know I am not a Chinese girl

(1) My hair is not bleached blonde (or, rather, orange) or colored bright red, nor is it streaked, tipped, highlighted in any of these colors. Now, as someone who did color their hair a bit in the past, I'm a fan of haircoloring as a means to enhance your own natural color; however, the orange-blond look is utterly ridiculous. By the way, bonus points to being a real Chinese girl if one has an unevenly spiky haircut or a frizzy perm with her colored locks!

(2) I do not wear spiky, high-heeled sandals or three-inch wedges, which seem to be very popular with the Chinese chicks, especially when climbing mountains and stairs at tourist sites. Even if I did wear such inappropriate footwear, I would hope that I wouldn't pair them with "ankle-highs," which is exactly what they sound like - stockings (in all the usual stocking colors like nude, beige, sand, etc.) that only go up to the ankle. They look weird.

(3) I don't use an umbrella on a sunny day. To be fair, I can sort of understand the girls. An umbrella on a sunny day does keep you cool. But the girls here seem to fear the sun because they do not want to get tanned. Historically and culturally, anyway, dark skin meant that you worked out in the fields and were too "common" or unladylike (for a more disturbing reason for the fear of the sun, please also see #4). Ah, well, at least it's good for the umbrella industry here - there are lots of cute umbrellas for sale all the time...regardless of the weather!

(4) I don't use skin-whitening cream. Again, from the historical-cultural reason, I could understand wanting to be pale. However, it was explained to me from some Chinese friends that most girls use these creams because they actually want to be whiter...like a white American or European. What?!?! Sigh. I'd like to point out that no one is whiter than white people than Chinese girls. Well, except maybe the Japanese girls. Darn, why do they have to be better than the Chinese in everything?!?! :)

(5) I'm not obsessed with enlarging my breasts. In Shanghai, I kept seeing posters (even in taxis!) advertising breast-enlargement clinics. I've also seen several infomercials for a "breast pump" that is suppose to enhance one's cleavage. Yikes!

All of the above reasons are actually a bit disturbing to me, because they all indicate a desire to look "western" or "white." Kind of ironic that Chinese are always so proud to be Chinese...except when it comes to their looks. Next thing you know, they'll be getting surgery to form a "crease" on their eyelid so th at they can look "white," too. ::shudder:: Yes, I know that I might be a bit harsh here, since we can argue cultural imperialism of the West and whatnot as opposed to Chinese hypocrisy, but I feel sad when people can't be proud of the way they naturally are. Hey, Chinese girls! Your hair is supposed to be black! On average, you are likely to be petite! Your skin is supposed to be a bit yellow, and your boobs are probably going to be a bit small! Don't be ashamed of it!!!


How I know I am not a Chinese guy

(1) On hot days, I don't walk down the street with my T-shirt pulled over my belly.

(2) I don't hack up phlegm on the streets (Note: My lack of hacking also distinguishes me from many Chinese girls).

(3) I'm not obsessed with my cellphone (Note: My lack of obsession also distinguishes me from Chinese girls).

(4) I don't have a spiky, anime-type hairdo or a mullet haircut a la hip Koreans.

(5) I don't spend hours and hours (and I mean, hours and hours...) "gaming" (that is, playing video games online) or watching VCDs at the local internet cafe. Dorks!

(6) My pinky fingernail isn't 2 inches long (eeeeew).

(7) I don't smoke like a chimney...no, wait, make that car wreck...no, wait, make that big flaming plane crash (Boeing 747 or Airbus Jet variety). Call me the spoiled westerner, but the cigarette smoking here is intolerable. I guess that's what you get when ciggies cost about 10RMB (about US$1.25) per pack.