New Year in New Jersey

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone! I hope that you'll all be partying hard to ring in the New Year. I, for one, will be spending it in true style: hanging out with my parents. Sweet! Alas, I am so boring.

In celebration of Christkwanukuah, I took a bit of a break from blogging. Okay, that’s not exactly true. I’ve been concentrating very hard these past two weeks on being lazy. Actually, this is not very difficult. On the trying-not-to-be-a-bum side of life, I'm working on uploading pictures of Bordeaux and Paris to blog for your enjoyment pleasure, although my dial-up connection could make this task last for days, if not millennia. Also, planning next leg of the International Hello tour (probably the Motherland - i.e., China) and hoping to be outta JerZ by early February.

I hope that you all had an excellent non-denominational holiday season! Until next year...

La vie française: ...jusqu'à le fin

This is my last post from Bordeaux, and maybe the last from France altogether. On Sunday morning, I'm headed to Paris for a two days, but maybe I won't have time to head to an internet café between the intensive sightseeing (must...see...as...much...as...POSSIBLE!).

So I've had a fun time here! What between the cheese-eatin' and wine-gulpin'. I think my French has improved a bit, but it can always use help. In any case, it has been really cool and wonderful meeting lots of people from around the world, and communicating (for the most part!) in French! What fun..and no sarcasm intended here for once. I recommend the experience to anyone.

Here are ten important lessons that I have learned while in Bordeaux:

(1) Don't plan on shopping or doing anything of interest on Sunday or Monday. Whereever you want to go, it's probably closed.

(2) There's always room for wine.

(3) There's always room for dessert (especially a pain au chocolat or a chocolatine).

(4) Cheese is not evil...neither is mayo, for that matter.

(5) Walk so that you can burn off the calories from the wine, dessert and cheese.

(6) The French actually say "ooh la la"! They don't, however, say "Zut alors!" (like Lumière from Beauty & the Beast) very much.

(7) J'aime bien Zara.

(8) Actually, museums (art and/or history) are excellent ways to practice the language and learn new words (e.g. biblical terms like "Hell", "Heaven", "Virgin", etc.)

(9) There is always time to appreciate the beautiful things in life.

...and, perhaps most importantly...

(10) When walking on French streets, if you see something in the street that is not the color of the sidewalk or pavement, avoid, avoid, AVOID. No matter what you tell yourself, it's not a piece of paper, garbage, or a leaf. It's DOG CRAP. Just accept it.

Alas, tonight is the finale of Star Academy ("StarAc"!). It's a showdown between Magalie and Jérémy! And the celebrity guests are Johnny Hallyday (he's really famous here...I swear!) and MARIAH CAREY!!! Dude, I'm so there...

À bientôt!

La vie française: Vinorama!!!

Bordeaux is kind of boring. But, then again, so am I, so I mean that in the nicest way possible. I'm sure that there are cool, hip, nightlife-y things that go on here - there are 4 university campuses (Bordeaux I-IV), and I see a fair amount of French hipsters in the street. But, as far as where any of the happenin' spots are, I don't really know. That's OK, though, because one doesn't come to Bordeaux for nightlife anyway. You come here for the vin...and gosh darn if there isn't a whole heckuvalot of it.

In the nearly 3 weeks that I've been in Bordeaux, I've learned a freakish amount about wine - from the grapes to the table. It truly cannot be avoided. The whole city is really all about vin, vin, VIN! So much so that it prompted one of my classmates to write, in an assignment for practicing le conditionnel, "Si j'étais le maire de Bordeaux, je remplacerais les robinets de l'eau avec les robinets du vin" ("If I were the mayor of Bordeaux, I would replace the water faucets with wine faucets").

During my first week, the school offered a short course on wine tasting, so now I can swirl a wine glass and pretend to sniff a glass of wine with the best of them. Well, more accurately, I can better appreciate why we swirl wine glasses and sniff. One needs a bit more practice (er, years?) to actually do it accurately. Then, there's all the general stuff...like the differences between vins des cépages (wines made with only one type of grape, like a Cabernet Sauvignon or a Merlot) and vins d'assemblage (a mix of different grapes, like the Bordeaux)...then the different types of wine glasses and bottles...and the parts of the glass, etc.

Another fun part of my stay has been my visits to the vignobles (vineyards) that basically surround the whole city and are found throughout the region. Even though the harvests are actually finished now and the vines are bare (they are pruned during the winter months), the vineyards are still an impressive and beautiful site. Not only are there just acres upon acres of vines, but it's also seriously like:

Villager with a little cottage in the country: "Hey! We got some good land along the gardenwalk...let's plant some vines!"

Priest at the little village church: "Hey! There's some space between the church and the cemetery...let's plant some vines!"

Homeless guy in the village: "Hey! I sleep on a little patch of land...let's plant some vines!"

A picture is really necessary to hit this point home, but I think you got the idea.

Not to bore you with the details or anything, but I need to fill you in on some basic wine country facts before I continue! First, you should know that all wines that contain grapes grown in Bordeaux are known as "Bordeaux" wines. However, the Bordeaux wine region is also divided into 57 appellations of wines (e.g. St. Emilion, Médoc, Margaux, etc.) that are subject to even stricter controls and may be of a higher quality as a result. Soooo...long story short, a wine that doesn't meet the strict controls set by the appellation association has to be classified as just a lowly "Bordeaux". This doesn't mean that it's bad or anything...it's just not special enough to have a special name. Also, you may have heard of "wine château". Originally, the châteaux part was exactly that -- the castle/mansion where the vineyard owner lived. Now, the château refers generally to the property that grows the grapes and makes/ages/bottles the wine. Of course, many of them still have the actual château on premises. And, in each appellation area, there is always one big ass commercial winery that collects grapes from anyone who grows grapes (i.e. this is probably where the villager, priest, and homeless dude go to sell their grapes, since they probably don't make their own wine).

Oooookkkkkk....so I've visited two wine appellation areas and 3 châteaux. The first area was St. Emilion, which is actually the name of a village. I visited a DOPE château where the cellars and fermention rooms are actually dug into limestone cliffs. Really neat! The village (a UNESCO World Heritage Site...if that means anything to you) is cool, too...there is an old church/monastery which is also dug into the side of a limestone cliff. The monks did this ages ago to protect themselves from all the wars, invasions, and - eventually - the crazy-ass, church-hatin' villagers during the French Revolution. Very cool.

In the Médoc region, there is something known as the "Road of Châteaux," which is, well, exactly that: a whole heckuvalot of very beautiful châteaux and vineyards spread over a huge region. I kind of fell asleep on the tourbus because there were so many châteaux (plus, the tourguide had a really soporific voice). The two châteaux that I visited here were "airight"...kind of commercial and huge, though. They lacked the charm of a tiny village of St. Emilion. Still, the châteaux had been around for ages, so they were worth visiting.

At the end of each château visit, there was, of course, a dégustation du vin (wine tasting). A fun way to practice my newly-learned wine-appreciatin' skillz! I bought a nice bottle of St. Emilion wine at the St. Emilion château, but it won't be ready to drink until 2016. Ooookkkk...I'll wait for a special occasion, then!

In any case, I've also learned that there is a museum in Bordeaux called (no joke) "Vinorama"! No doubt, it is a reference to the dioramas which make up the museum, but whoever named it may never know how appropriate it really is. Apparently, there are 75 full-size wax figures that help tell the history of WINE! For those who know my fondness for dioramas, this is like a dream. SWEET. I can't wait to go...hopefully this Friday...

J'adore le vin!

La vie française: Damn non-QWERTY keyboards, France as Pastry Land, & A Note on Weird French-to-English translations

Hmmm. I seem oddly unable to post comments on the blog...or anyone else's Blogger blog. I suspect this has something to do with the non-QWERTY nature of the keyboards here. That's right...the keyboards here are more like AWERTY. Luckily, some clever student has figured out how to turn on the QWERTY function so that I can type, unimpeded, at my usual 50-60ish wpm (with about 30 mistakes per minute). Hee.

So, in order to respond to a few of the comments so far...

Connie: Your eating an omelet in breakfast form at 1 AM, a mon avis, technically counts as a "late supper", so you are not just another boring American.

Liz A.: yes, I have tried canelés before, and they are abso-tively delightful. It's a Bordealaise specialty, kind of a mini bundt cake made with rum. At least, I think it's rum. Tasty little suckers, though. Baillardran is a specialty shop that sells overpriced canelés, but they have a nice website where you can see the tasty canelé in all its glory. What's really cute is that they have bébé canelés, which are even tinier and oh-so-cute. In other news from Pastry Land, I have been putting alot of concentration into tasting different pains au chocolat (chocolate croissants) at different pâtisseries. Usually, there is no difference between the pain au chocolat and the chocolatine, but I've discovered that certain shops differentiate between the two by using butter in the pains au chocolat and margarine in the chocolatines. Sometimes, a pâtisserie may only sell the pain...but they use margarine instead! The nerve!!!

Yes, yes...onto the weirdo French-to-English translations. So, I'm somewhat puzzled about who decides to translate titles. This was particularly evident yesterday, when I went with some school friends to see a film entitled Et si c'était vrai... (Translations: And If This Was True...). The movie poster at the cinema was quite plain - no stars pictured - and my friends told me that the movie was in French, so I just assumed that it was a French movie. Ooookay.

After a barrage of trailers and commercials (yeah, it's no different in France...but perhaps there is less crap?), the cinema turns dark. The movie begins. The opening theme music begins. "Hey," I think, "This is a cover of that Cure song I love, 'Just Like Heaven!' Isn't it funny that they're using it in a French movie!" THEN...I see Reese Witherspoon! SHIT! This isn't a French movie! This is the American chick-flick movie Just Like Heaven! Geez, I wouldn't even see this movie in English, much less French. Still, it was amusing enough. Good practice in French listening, at least.

In the instance of Just Like Heaven/Et si c'était vrai..., it's actually the English translation that's at fault. Apparently, the movie is based on a French story entitled, you guessed it, Et si c'était vrai.... OK...so that's cool. I understand. But examples of other translations that bother me slightly:

English ==> Français
That time-honored, Drew Barrymore chick flick, Never Been Kissed ==> College Attitude (WHAT?!?! WHY?!?! They're not even in college in that movie...)

Men's magazine Maxim ==> Maximal

Strawberry Shortcake ==> Charlotte aux Fraises (Translation: Charlotte in the Strawberries)

Um...yeah. I'm quite surprised that they didn't turn the title of Titanic into Le Bateau Qui Éviait; (Translation: The Boat That Sank).

La vie française: L'œuf, Incroyable et Comestible (The Incredible Edible Egg)

Yesterday, I had a steak-hâché-œuf et frites for lunch - essentially, a hamburger steak topped with a sunny-sideup egg with a side of fries. Recently, I have also eaten a crêpe with bacon and a fried egg on top and tasty omelettes for dinner. Then, of course, there is the Croque Madame, a toasted ham sandwich with cheese and - what else? - a fried egg on top.

This recent fest of eggs has got me thinking: why, in the US, is the humble but delightfully tasty egg, destined for 2nd culinary class status as only a breakfast food - a meal that most Americans wouldn't think twice about missing? Or, at best, the egg is an afterthought when tossed in a salad or mercilessly mashed up with mayo and celery in an egg salad. Maybe once in a while it gets centerstage in deviled form.

Many other cuisines of the world utilize the egg freely for lunch and dinner. The Asians eat it with rice (mmmm, Korean bibimbap). My German friend and classmate, who also ordered the steak-hâché-œuf et frites also said it's pretty common in Germany to have things regularly topped off with sunny-sideup eggs. Geez, America, get on the wagon and fry up some eggs for lunch or dinner! Maybe top off a slice of pizza with an egg! They are so very tasty...and kind of pretty too (in sunny-sideup form).

By the way, I don't work for the National Egg Board or anything. Just thinkin' about ways to use eggs more often in everyday cooking.

La vie française: Miss France and Star Academy

Aaaah, French television.

It's actually quite a fine way to practice my listening skills, or, should I say, my lack of listening skills. The first thing that I watched on French TV was actually the movie Philadelphia dubbed in French. This is funny because I haven't even watched the movie in English. Gotta get on that when I get home, since I sort of understood the sentiment of the movie, but did not catch any of the dialogue.

But, anyhoo, I was initiated into more genuine French culture with the Miss France pageant, which took place last week. First of all, they really made no attempt to show that they were picking chicks for their minds. Well, there was one "Q&A" session, if you can really call it that, since most of the girls responded in less than a sentence (yes, that's possible!). Most of the (very very very LONG) program consisted of complicated dance numbers and quite a lot of prancing in bikinis (multiple bikini segments).

Besides the obvious question of "Why Miss France and not Madamoiselle France?", the pageant also raised the following questions/concerns:

(1) How many freakin' regions (equivalents of states/territories) are there in France, anyway?!? (A: 45, including a bunch of those tropical former colonies)

(2) Is everything on TV now, even in France, in a "call in your vote for your favorite contestant" format? (A: In France, yes...read about Star Academy later...)

(3) What is the French concept of beauty, anyway? (A: below)

So I must say that the French stereotype of having very beautiful women (i.e., Audrey Tautou, Brigitte Bardot, Emmanuelle Beart, etc.) would be largely true as far as the Miss France pageant is concerned (in real life, France is like anywhere else!). However, the women were not as stick thin as the crazy, Stepford-type pageant contestants in the US (read: good). I mean, they were still skinny and Stepford-like, but many of the contestants had a little meat on their bones, so that's kind of cool. One weird thing I did notice is that a good percentage of the contestants (seriously, like 15% and up?) were noticeably large snozzed (read: big nose! Really!) or a bit cross-eyed/lazy-eyed. This includes Miss France 2002. Very weird - this cross/lazy-eyedness being OK. Oooookkk.

Miss (Mlle) Languedoc won. Ah, where the hell is Languedoc, you may ask. It's the southernmost region in France proper and is very California-like, apparently. They supposedly make a good wine, too. Heee. Indeed, Miss France 2006 is very California-like and quite pretty, but oddly not the most beautiful one there. Whatever.

Note: Miss Aquitane (the region of which Bordeaux is capital) was kinda butt. Appropriately, she did not make the top 10.

So, the French concepts of beauty was reassured by my viewing Star Academy, which is the equivalent of American Idol...plus more! Each Friday night, there's the competition and voting combined in one show. BUT, every night of the week except Friday, it gets all Real World and Big Brother-like with a behind-the-scenes reality TV concept, with the contestants being filmed at their house (the Château), at their practices, at their activities, etc. This hour-long treat each night really appeals to the voyeuristic side of, well, every French person in the country. The show is incredibly popular. Let's watch the contestants struggle with learning their songs! Let's watch them dress up like Santa Claus and visit a local elementary school! Let's watch them entertain guests at the Miss France 2006 celebration ball!

Did I mention that the contestants have to know how to sing and dance?!?! And it's Star Academy because the contestants (called the élèves) have professeurs who teach them everything from dance, voice, fashion, and the like. That's because the contestants must sing quite a few songs! A few with fellow contestants (in the choreographed group numbers that the French seem to love so much), solo, with a famous accompanist, and in a highly choreographed solo number with dancers. Crazy.

The grand finale at the end is between one female and one male. The girl finalist was chosen last week. It's Magalie (pick her out of this table of contestants here...scroll all the way to the bottom, and she's the first one in the last row)! She actually won by a big margin, which is appropriate since she had the best voice out of the three female finalists. However, she is also the biggest girl, and, compared with the two pretty/slim chicks (Ely and Emilie, Rows 2 and 1, respectively) she was up against, I thought that she wouldn't win on a superficial level. At least, in America, she wouldn't have won. Furthermore, the frumpy wardrobe with which she was outfitted couldn't have helped matters. However, I have a newfound faith in the French after her victory. Maybe they really care about talent rather than looks, which is more than I can say for us Americans (hello, almost every single reality show star!).

So the la demi-finale garçons (literally, the boy's semi-final) is this Friday. Oooh, I can't wait. It's head-to-head between Jérémy and Pascal. Jérémy specializes in love ballads, has a dog named Alto who lives in the Château, and has hooked up with some other contestant who was kicked off long ago. Pascal is a Frenchman of the lazy-eyed variety (he wears tinted Bono shades to hide this...but it's obvious!) and is more of a rockeur than Jérémy. Apparently, he's the favorite to kick everyone's ass...well, I guess just Magalie's ass if he actually wins the demi-finale.

Sadly, there's actually a reason why the French aren't really known for their singers. I doubt that Pascal, Jérémy, or Magalie could make it into the finals of American Idol (seriously, not to be mean, but no way in hell). OK, I think Magalie could, but then Simon would probably say something like, "You sound like an American Idol, but you don't look like one." The boys kind of suck, but c'est la vie.

Sidenote of the Day
French computers (at least the ones available to students) suck. I'm currently unable to post amusing pics...and I'm working so hard to take them!

Fun in French
Another fun group writing assignment conceived in class. This time the assignment was to give advice to a guy named Eric who wanted to break up with his girlfriend, but didn't know how to do it. My group's dialogue (translated into English here):

"Dear Eric,
We are pleased to give you the following advice:

(1) You must provoke your girlfriend with something she really doesn't like. It's evident that she will be disgusted with you and want to break up.

(2) You can tell her that you have changed your sexual orientation, and then introduce her to your new "boyfriend" (a friend playing along).

(3) Throw a cake (for example, a pie with a lot of cream) in her face.

(4) Tell her you want to become a Catholic priest or, better yet, a monk."

La vie française: Au début...

Ay. Desolée...I've been horribly neglectful at this blogging thing. I guess I gotta start from the beginning of my journey. I will attempt to be consistent and use the same categories that I used when I first arrived in Ghana.

I am going to try to post some more. These crappy computers in the student don't seem quite equipped to handle picture downloading, so I'll have to figure that out. Other than that, it's every man for himself each day after class when it comes to finding a computer to use! There are not many for all the students at school...

The Journey and French America (i.e., Canada)
I flew from Newark to Montreal on Air Canada because it was - surprise - cheaper that way...and plus I can get frequent flier miles to hit "Premier" status (25,000 miles flown) by the end of the year. SCORE. Air Canada is quite good! The inflight magazine is the only one I've ever actually taken off the plane with me. And, of course, besides the inflight meal being so gosh-darn cute, it was also very good. A big bowl of non-limp salad! Gelato for dessert! God bless you, Air Canada.

I had to wait for a connection to Paris at Montreal-Pierre Elliot Trudeau Airport, which bears the mysterious airport code of "YUL" (does anyone know what's up with that...I know O'Hare's "ORD" comes from it being an orchard back in the day...but "YUL"?!?!). Continuing with airport experiences as movies (Kotoka=Speed), Montreal-Trudeau is the airport most like the one in "The Terminal," with Tom Hanks. It also simultaneously reminds one of a posh office building or hotel lobby (marble pillars, shining elevators, etc.). One must also add "amusement park" to the comparisons, because there was also some guy in a big fluffy mascot suit (a la Mickey Mouse) for one of the airlines (hitherto some mysterious European budget carrier), with French-Canadian kids pummeling it with their bodies. If ever there was a picture opportunity, this was it, but since I was designated as a potential terrorist during the trip to Accra, I kept my camera holstered. Taking pictures of airports won't help matters...

Also, I must add that my experience in the has encouraged me to never make fun of our neighbors to the North ever again. Really! First of all, everyone - from baggage handlers to customs - was superfriendly. Small sample-size, yes, but I don't see the airport employees at Newark or O'Hare smiling so readily. Also, I love the ease with which they switch between English and French, because it's darn OK to speak either one! No scornful looks! Everyone was like, "Hi..Bonjour," "Vous avez besoin d'aide?...Do you need help?", "How are you?...Ça va?" Delightful.

After I arrived in Paris, I took the train (TGV - Train à la grande vitesse) to Bordeaux. It kicks AmTrak in the ass and then stomps on its throat...just to give you an idea of how nice it is. ;)

Bordeaux: First Impressions
Bordeaux is the regional capital of the Aquitaine region (regions are the equivalents of states in the US). It's the biggest city in the Southwest, with about 260,000ish people. The city (the centre-ville, or downtown area, anyway) is really lovely, with buildings dating back to mostly the 17th and 18th century. Bordeaux, like most European cities, is also very sprawling and walkable.

Of course, the city is right smack dab in the middle of French wine country - probably the largest and most productive in the world, actually. You can imagine So I've already participated in a few wine tastings and visited a vineyard, but that's another story!!

Right now, it's winter, so it's a bit chilly, but not terribly so. It's bearable - maybe it's about 30-40 degrees Fahrenheit each day - so I'll take it! The only thing that kind of stinks is that it has probably rained everyday since I've been here. My parapluie (umbrella) is indeed my best friend here.

Ah...one very French thing. The French love their dogs, but they apparently don't like cleaning up after them. The sidewalks are positively covered with landmines of dog shit. I'm actually quite amazed at the different consistencies and textures of dog shit that abound...wait, that's gross, isn't it? Hee. My sister (who studied in Paris for a bit) warned me about this already, so it's been OK so far.

French Moolah
I won't insult you: it's the Euro. All you really need to know is that it's stronger than the US dollar now, and stuff in France is expensive. This all adds up to this: it sucks to be an American in France right now.

Also, for some reason, prices are still calculated in Francs. Presumably so that you can still use Francs and remain "French." As if anyone would (use Francs, that is).

Food & Drink
Words do not do it justice. It's just really, really good. I'm being stuffed with bread, cheese, pastry and wine - among other things. I don't think my host family uses the freezer at all - everything is pretty darn fresh. Each day, my family buys bread from the boulangerie. I tried to explain WonderBread to them, but they looked pretty disgusted at the prospect.

There's a boulangerie (bakery) and/or pâtisserie on practically every corner, so I often stop in to buy a chocolate croissant when I get the chance. Bad for me, yes, but I'm walking quite a lot...at least that's how I explain my recent gorging.

My Digs
Like I posted previously, I'm staying with a host family. They're an older couple named Patrick and Collette (civil servant and housewife, respectively). I am happy to report that they do not suck. In fact, they are pretty gosh darn nice. They don't speak much English and are very patient to boot, which makes for an excellent opportunity to practice French.

My room is the cutest room ever. Patrick and Collette are really into antiques, so my room is really well-furnished - I daresay better furnished than any other room I've had in my life. French beds tend to err on the tiny side, and my bed is perfectly YuhChic-sized - that is to say, no one over 5'3 could fit in this bed. In fact, I would feel sorry for them if they tried. The room is painted red, which I can't help but think is a bit bordello-like, but I like it (go figure).

The Language School
Ah! Besides eating pastry and drinking wine, this is actually what I'm here for! My school is the Bordeaux Language School, or BLS for short. It's oooook. No real complaints. My teacher, Jérôme, is amusing and pretty cool. He likes making fun of my American accent. I have classes each day for about 4 hours, then it's off to lunch and whatever else I want to do. Not bad.

Most of the students here are European. There are some from Asia (Korea, Japan, China) and Australia, but I've only met one American so far. Weird! Just about everyone speaks English, so a lot of people do so after class. I try not to, so I hang out with a lot of peeps who prefer to speak in French. It's cool. In any case, almost everyone is pretty nice and, at the very least, quite interesting, too. It's been fun so far.