The superhuman speaks American!

I went to the travel clinic today in preparation for my trips abroad. Inoculations galore! At this very moment, I've got bits of yellow fever, hepatitis A, and typhoid floating in my blood. Next week, I'm getting injected with some tetanus and polio. Seriously, besides the fact that I have more needle holes in my arms than a heroin addict, I feel superhuman! Hmm, I suppose you may argue that heroin also makes one feel superhuman, if only momentarily. Anyhoo, my system can now (supposedly) resist any disease that the developing world can throw at me!! Well, almost. I did decide to pass on the rabies and meningitis shots.

Speaking of my travels, (I hope that) the second stop in the "International Hello" Tour is China (as in "People's Republic of", since some people out there may believe there is more than one China. ::Ahem:: No comment.). I am currently in the process of arranging a 5-6 month teaching gig at a not-for-profit school in the city of Nanchang. Yeah, where the f*ck is that? Jiangxi Province, my friends - in the southeast, between Hunan and Fujian Provinces (the latter being birthplace of my dad and a major source of illegal Chinese immigration abroad. Wheee!)

I have been to the "Motherland" before: I studied Mandarin Chinese in Beijing for 2 months (and promptly forgot a majority of it within 2 weeks) and traveled a bit around the country when I was 19 years old and too stupid to fully appreciate the experience. This time around, I figured it might be fun to go someplace different, like the South, since my moms and pops both have Southern ancestry. And, ya know, maybe appreciate a slice of Chinese life more this time (I'm really working on the self-actualization part of Maslow's pyramid, people). Actually, I'm psyched about it, because I've always heard that Jiangxi, Fujian, and Hunan are kind of the Chinese equivalents of Missisippi, Alabama and Arkansas. I am always thoroughly amused by the fact that my family roots are essentially of the Dixie-country bumpkin variety. Tee hee! Once I actually convince people that I am American, I also know people will be thoroughly confused on why I am there.* I mean, what self-respecting foreigner really visits America wanting to live in Arkansas for any extended period of time (no offense, Bill Clinton and Mike Huckabee)?

Anyhoo, I figure that Little Rock/Tuscaloosa-esque type cities might be more in need of native English speakers than Beijing or Shanghai. They are super keen on getting teachers, however inexperienced (::cough::me!::cough), as long as they have a North American accent, or, as I like to say, "speak American." I mean, the Canadians can slide by OK, but no one can slam it down like the USA, yo! The school where I am hoping to teach specifically prepares college kids to go abroad, so I may be the exclusive source of Western culture for these kids. Scary! I am sure that I'll be quite the freak: the huaqiao (an ethnic Chinese raised overseas) girl who can't quite speak Mandarin, but speaks perfect American English and is distinctly chubby (thanks, American fast food!). Like that fact that my blood is the biological equivalent of an armored tank against disease isn't enough to freak some of them out.

In any case, I hope that my teaching experience is as amusing (but not quite disturbingly kancho-style) as this:

Outpostnine.com: I am a Japanese School Teacher

Hilarious!


* YuhChic Interacts with Native Chinese Peeps

(in Mandarin)

(After some extended conversation)

Native Chinese: Ah, your Chinese sounds a little weird! Where are you from?
Me: Guess.
NC: Er, Hong Kong?
Me: Nope.
NC: Um, Korea? [ed. note: DUDE, it's my round face...everyone and their mom in China thinks I'm friggin' Korean]
Me: Sorry.

(NC guesses EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY in Asia)

NC: (shakes head) I cannot guess. Where are you from?
Me: America.
NC: No!
Me: Yes!
NC: No! It is not possible!
Me: Yes!
NC: NO WAY!
Me: YES WAY!
NC: (pauses) So why the hell did you want to come here?

I've actually had this conversation several times when I last traveled in China.